Making the Move to Assisted Living Easier: A Daughter’s Perspective

Vanguard staffer recounts challenges during intake at her mother’s assisted living facility that apply to practice management improvement

Helping a parent move into assisted living is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, harder than completing two master’s degrees simultaneously and even my divorce! Working with my father and brother to find a safe and supportive place for my mom, we wanted to trust that the process would guide us through each step.

Instead, what should have felt reassuring often left us feeling overwhelmed, frustrated and confused.

An Alzheimer’s diagnosis and preparing for a cross-county move

My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s several years ago living in Alaska with my father. As her disease progressed my father stepped into a new role as her primary care giver. His whole world shifted, her health and well-being became his focus.

As my mother continued to decline, in her moments of lucidity she clearly expressed her desire to move to the East Coast to be closer to more family, including her new granddaughter. We worked together to find an assisted living facility that also had a memory care unit.

Less than a week before leaving Alaska, we were hopeful: We found what looked like a great facility that had an opening in their memory care unit!

How to make a stressful assisted living transition worse

When you’re already juggling emotions, logistics and medical needs, the smallest speed bump can feel like a mountain. Unfortunately, our intake experience was full of unnecessary roadblocks.

My job is working with medical practices to help them bring in new patients and make their existing ones happy. In this personal situation of working to arrange my mother’s medical care, I couldn’t help but notice how this practice could have improved their process for the benefit of their patients and family members.

Following are the lessons I learned that can be applied to all medical practices.

Paperwork that came too late

When we connected with the assisted living facility before leaving Alaska, we were told mom would need a physical and to have her doctor complete a “physician clearance form.” The problem? We weren’t given the form until the day of intake – after her doctor’s appointment had already happened. Her doctor had written a one-line letter saying she was fit for assisted living, but it wasn’t the comprehensive form the facility required.

This meant more phone calls, more waiting and more stress as we attempted to track down the correct paperwork.

Opportunity for practice management improvement:

Provide all necessary paperwork upfront – ideally in both digital and printed formats – so families can work with physicians and prepare without unnecessary delays.

Missing and incorrect information

During our initial tour, we were given a multipage brochure and a few single page handouts, when what we really needed was our detailed resident/family binder. When we finally received the binder, it contained incorrect information, including a “bring list” with items the facility already supplied for every resident, as well as items my mom was not allowed to have in her room due to safety concerns around her declining mental capacity.

When we received the packet, there were several pages we needed to fill out and return to the facility. I requested a digital version of the forms and was told that they didn’t have digital copies.

Opportunity for patient experience improvement:

Provide accurate, up-to-date intake packets that reflect the actual patient experience. The intake packet a resident/family receives should be tailored to that resident. Welcome packets should reflect what the facility actually provides, helping families avoid unnecessary errands. A digital version helps ensure updates are pushed to every family.

Assisted living services that sounded great, but weren’t there

During our tour, we learned that the opening that the facility previously had in their memory care unit was no longer available and there were only a handful of spots left in their traditional assisted living. The staffer giving the tour had a calm reassuring personality and mentioned the facility’s “ConnectedLIFE” program several times throughout the tour.

The ConnectedLIFE program was described as thoughtful programing designed to bridge the gap between traditional assisted living and memory care. For my mom, whose memory is declining but still able to handle most activities of daily living, it sounded like the perfect fit.

The person conducting the tour mentioned more than once that the role of who would be leading this program was “in transition,” but at the time, I trusted that meant someone would be stepping in soon. When talking to the facilities director, she noted that the ConnectedLIFE program role would be very hard to fill and expected it to be unfilled for quite a while as only a “special” person would be right for that role.

Opportunity for improvement in assisted living services promises:

Be honest about programs and services. If something isn’t staffed or available yet, don’t promote it as if it were. Families make decisions based on those promises. Caution staff against mentioning and promoting a program that isn’t currently running. It was disingenuous to promote a program so heavily when there was no clear plan – or timeline – for staffing it.

Poorly designed intake forms

The intake packet included a form for the local pharmacy. It looked like it had been photocopied a hundred times. A blue blurry watermark covered most of the page. While the assisted living facility was not the creator of this form, they did supply a blue pen for us to fill-out the form, which made it almost impossible to read.

After initially completing the form by hand, noting that it was not legible, we were given a digital form to complete. I guess they did have digital copies for some of the paperwork in the resident/family binder.

By that point, I couldn’t help but wonder: If the paperwork looked this careless, how careful would they be with my mom’s care?

Opportunity for patient intake form improvement:

Forms should be professionally designed, easy to read and available electronically. This not only reduces frustration but also ensures accuracy. Professional forms show families that all the information collected matters to the facilities.

Questioning the patient assessment results and assisted living home placement

Before moving my mom in, the facility completed an assessment. They determined that my mom “borderline needed memory care.” After learning that their memory care unit was full, we were eager to get her into traditional assisted living. The assessor asked my mother if she thought she’d do well in assisted living. My mom readily agreed that she thought she would do well their because everyone she met had been so nice.

At the time I was thrilled that my mother had been accepted into assisted living. But a few days after moving in she was brought back to the facility in the back of a police car! The police had found my mother wandering on the side of a busy road over a mile-and-half from the facility. I then began to doubt the results of the assessment. Was my mother safe in this assisted living facility?

Considering the cost of both assisted living and memory care, I can’t shake the feeling that the assessment wasn’t entirely neutral after all: The facility has a financial interest in securing more residents. I’m left wondering, If there had been a spot in their memory care unit, would their recommendation have changed? I’m uneasy about how objective the assessment truly was.

Opportunity for patient intake form improvement:

Use assessments to build trust. Consider neutral or third-party evaluations so families feel confident recommendations are truly in their loved one’s best interest.

Silence after move-in

Once my mom started to settle in, my dad and I had to head back to Alaska temporarily. While we were away from mom, the communication we’d hoped for just wasn’t there. On one of her very first days, before the return trip to Alaska, she was served a meal with meat – even though we’d made it very clear that she is a pescatarian.

When the facility reached out to get an additional approval for laundry services, my father said he didn’t think this was working and wanted to pull her from the facility. Suddenly we had the proactive communication we originally expected.

Within a half hour of his comment, I had two senior level employees calling me to discuss mom’s progress and reassure me. In the following days a staff member sent several updates via text message, and I received photos of my mom in group actives and notes about her having meals with other residents.

Opportunity for improvement:

Any proactive communication from the facility would have helped reassure us that this facility was the right choice. Families shouldn’t have to chase updates or worry whether their loved one’s needs are being met.

Opportunities for facilities to do better

Looking back, I can see so many points where a little extra care could have made this transition smoother for my entire family. None of the issues we faced were insurmountable – they were the result of processes that weren’t fully thought through, or communication that wasn’t prioritized.

For families, these small changes mean peace of mind. For facilities, they build trust that lasts long after the move-in day.

What I’ll remember about this assisted living experience

When I think about my mom’s move to assisted living, I don’t first picture the building or the dining room. I remember the stressful phone tag, the frustration of chasing down forms, and the sinking feeling that this wasn’t the right choice for my mom’s care.

But I also remember the moments when staff did show kindness – when they listened, when they reassured, when they made my mom smile. That’s what I wish intake could be built around: Easing the burden on families, not adding to it.

Because moving into assisted living isn’t just about paperwork or process. It’s about giving families the peace of mind that they’ve made the right decision for someone they love.